The Holiday Hold Up
I hear a lot of people say, “I think I’ll wait til after the holidays.” I mean, it’s common knowledge that gyms exponentially increase capacity after January 1st and so many people start new fad diets. Why? Why wait for the New Year’s resolutions and use holiday gatherings as an excuse to continue/increase gluttony? Let’s do this now so we can see how much we can accomplish over this next month. How much more fun will that be on January 1?
This year, the Thanksgiving feast felt just a little different for me on the inside, but it didn’t change much from the onlooker’s perspective. I took my shot Thursday morning [yes, I considered waiting a day since I was due to upgrade to my next dose titration], completed an 18-hour fast, and then enjoyed my Momma’s AMAZING cooking! I still ate all my favorites AND had some buttermilk pie for dessert. This year, it was just one plate and it wasn’t packed quite as high. ;)
I had a few glasses of wine the night before, a nice helping of pasta, and went to bed early. I am socializing, eating food with friends, and refusing to EVER be the person that packs their own food to a party [I mean, you do you and all, but that’s a permanent no for me]. My portions are smaller, my macros are somewhat better balanced [I’m a work in progress], and my water intake this last week has been diligently on point.
I’m glad I never considered waiting or skipping a dose “because it’s Thanksgiving.” I don’t really want to accommodate my vices and bad habits. I want to stay steadfast in my combat against them.
How have you felt with your Thanksgiving meals? Bloated? Sluggish? [Mentally drained from the noise, chaos, and snotty children?] I don’t feel like garbage today and I was able to pack home a week’s worth of leftovers! WINNING! ***Considering I don’t cook and my husband only gets fed outside a Factor meal or drive thru if he cooks himself or sees my mom, it’s a great victory for us to swipe her leftovers and take ‘em to the house.
And the best news… I lost 2 pounds this week! I even weighed again this morning to be sure that was still accurate. I am dangerously close to reaching my first goal of seeing the 200s…just one week before I head to Jupiter for a week. Hmmm…. I wonder how I’ll do on vacay? That report may look a little different [sheepish grin, halo in tact].
Really needing to see that goal met before I hit the road next Friday morning. All the positive vibes, please!!
PS: My face no longer looks like Hannibal Lector peeled it off to sew a suit. So I’m excited to see how the regimen helps me age backwards. Ha!
You're Such a Boob!
I didn't lose any weight this week. I know that's why most of you are here, so I figured I'd rip that bandaid right off! Here's what I did accomplish, though:
I drank like a college kid at Deer Camp, rolled into work the next day in my pajamas and got a life-changing IV hangover bag [Weekend @ Bernie's in case you're ready to book] that made me feel good enough to trek the 6 hours to Oxford, watch Ole Miss lose a game they shouldn't have, drink beer/seltzers, eat pizza and chicken tenders [don't judge 'til you've had the tenders from Taylor Grocery or the pizza from PizzaShop], and then snack on a bag of Chips Ahoy on the way back to OBKY. I calculated [the best I could] and I didn't drink a gallon of water the entire week and I should do that every day! Oops.
So here's to this week being back on track! I crashed when I got back home. I do that sometimes when I'm coming off the high of hanging out with people way cooler than me living a life way more exciting than mine. So I've slept more in the last few days than most do in weeks.
I feel normalish today, though. So I think I'm ready to get back to it.
But while I have you here, let's talk about my boobs and how they're always here to wreck a party. I had my second session of PRP with microneedling yesterday [yes, right here at Integrated Therapy Solutions, PLLC] and my nurse asked if I wanted her to include my neck in the treatment. "Um, yes! I need to look 27, please and thank you."
The awkwardness hit when we both realized [she didn't say anything, but I felt the energy] that wasn't happening unless I physically smashed the girls as they were nestled contently under my chin where they ALWAYS are when I'm lying down. The good news is, this happens when I'm suntanning, too. So my neck is like pristine, virgin skin. Cheers to the boobs protecting and serving everywhere we go! Of course, I coulda unleashed them out of the cage and let them flop to both sides. Maybe next time!
Check out my face, though? Yikes... I'm told it'll work iTS magic soon enough.
Power of Accountability
Another week, another weigh in! I think it was best to keep the original mug in the archives this time, so this picture is a comparison from just three weeks ago and again a couple days ago. I like to show that the changes are still happening--even after the initial triple chin, serial killeresque fiasco.
This accountability is definitely making an impact on how things are going for me. I challenge all of our program participants and anyone working on self-improvement to share with someone--anyone. You certainly don't need to publicly embarrass yourself with online photos and blogs, but having someone with whom you can check-in, touch base, confide... it's worth letting someone in on your journey.
Last night, I had the opportunity to eat some bad food and drink a few beers, BUT I didn't. Not because I didn't want to unwind after an emotion-filled, busy week, but because I had to weigh in the morning and report an update--to all the strangers that click on this link. Eeek!
Now, don't misunderstand--I make at least 97 bad choices every week, but I do balance them out in order to make sure I'm progressing toward my goals, my purpose. For example, tonight is DEER CAMP and I will enjoy every second. Every bite. Every beverage. It's cool--I have a week to make it up. ;)
Checking in with all of you and answering questions everyday guides me along this path and I truly believe it's the difference between my success or failure. When thinking back to my failures in life (there really aren't many as I'm quite remarkable), they only occurred if I didn't try or didn't hold myself accountable. So here I am eliminating those potential barriers so I can rock this like the bad ass I know I am.
Lost: 21.2 pounds!! :)
Goals: I'm still working on putting them out into the universe and being willing to admit how big my goals really are. For now, seeing the 200s is top priority!
Hotty Toddy! [I'm heading to Oxford to the Ole Miss/Alabama game, so I'm just getting geared up!]
One thing I've quickly realized is that blogging about my weight [loss] has my brain in overdrive thinking about how weight [gain] has affected so many aspects of my life along my 30-ish years. I got fat when I was 8 and I still remember how that felt. I remember the ridicule and mockery--and that was less often from kids than adults. I mention that because it explains the heaviness of its impact ever since.
I've certainly had my "screw it" years when I didn't care what people said or mocked--or so I thought. My constant analysis now makes me think I just buried my care rather than disposing of it. It's as if every counselor, psych professional, or "life coach" was onto something when they said journaling was important. It's definitely a way to lay out all the messy emotions right in front of your face--then you decide whether you're going to unpack and catalog them or light 'em on fire and pour another shot [I've tried both approaches].
Weighing heavily [pun most definitely intended] on my mind the last two weeks is the impact on friendships over the years. *DO. NOT. COME. AT. ME.* <--- necessary disclaimer before proceeding...
If I met you in this fat phase, we are all good. If I met you when I was (A) 150 pounds lighter or (B) in a fat phase before you saw me lose all the pounds, our friendship has likely suffered exponentially. Sadly, I didn't know I was doing damage in my relationships as I'm too self-centered to see outside my own perspective.
When I got married and moved to OC, my depression was at its worst. I did NOT want to live there, I did not want to distance myself from the friends I had made over the years of partying and working in the bar, and I was involuntarily detoxing from an old life while not being accepted into a new community at all. As I started to spiral, I started to gain weight like I had as a child--eating for comfort, eating for boredom, eating out of spite, eating for reasons I don't understand [guess I should have journaled about it sooner]. At that point I was declining what few invitations I still received because, "I haven't seen them in months/years and I'm too fat to go deal with that shit now." I went into hiding.
The only people I saw for YEARS were my coworkers because I had to. They saw me every day and saw me gain weight, but at least it wasn't all at once, right? If I went to see someone in OBKY or ran into them somewhere it was like I needed to pick them up off the floor. Now, I said don't come at me. I am NOT saying this is the fault of THEM, I'm saying this is how I perceived the interaction. My brain was telling me these people [any people] were judging me and making fun of me for the shambles I created.
The most detrimental part of this is that I just didn't know I was ruining the relationships. If I were asked about anyone, I was quick to respond, "Oh my gosh! Yes! They've been one of my good friends for years." I still say that. Well, I did up until the last few weeks when I realized I don't really have any friends. Somewhere along the way I went from a "talk to you every single day and see you every night" friend to a "can't even make the top 400 on an invite list" ex-friend.
I think I always thought of myself as that out-of-town friend you just aren't able to see much, but that doesn't mean I'm not a friend. It doesn't mean I stopped loving you, caring about you, and watching you live your glorious life on socials. It means my own demons kept me away while I silently cheered for you from the comfort of my nest. I'm sorry I broke us. I'm sorry if you ever felt I betrayed you or gave up on you or moved on to a different set of friends. I didn't do that. I retreated and withdrew and now I'm standing in wreckage I didn't even know I created.
I share all of this not only for the sake of processing and facing my emotions, but to also bring light to some of the indirect happenstances of poor health. Please don't be me. Please take an inventory of your own situations. Work through rather than shove aside anything that feels like a barrier to positive transitions and progress in your journey.
It's hard. It sucks. I kinda hate it. But... I don't wanna be broken. Neither do you.
Okay, so I'm working the steps of mental health while I work the steps of weight loss with the intentions of not repeatedly cycling through the weight fluctuations. No more rinse and repeat here.
I took my 7th injection today [that's 6 weeks down]. I took this pic at the one-month mark because I happened to be wearing the same thing. I wasn't sure I noticed anything in my day-to-day, but this was super beneficial to see! [If you don't see a difference, don't tell me. I'm kinda livin' on the high right now.]
SW: 324 life-crippling pounds
CW: 305 life-rebuilding pounds
GW: Life restoration
Bent. Not broken.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.