Most women get a bit squeamish talking about their weight. I've certainly never been the contradiction, but I've also laughed at myself--as if y'all wouldn't know I was fat if you didn't see the scale reading (face palm, eye roll, laughing emojis). To make it all more awkward, if you've known me for longer than the last few years, you've seen me lose a person, gain a person (and then gain her twin, too) to the tune of about 170 pounds.
What a roller coaster of depression-causing, joint-aching, blood pressure-rising, embarrassment-boosting ridiculousness!
It's become so easy to make excuses: childhood trauma, horrific first marriage, crappy bosses, lost jobs, moving to a tiny town you hate, "but PCOS makes me fat; it's not my fault." The reality is I place all my energy and efforts in the wrong things because depression and anxiety are real and they can be debilitating. Who knew ADHD diagnosis/medication in my late 30s could clear some cob webs and fuel me to BE better, try harder, matter more...
To be clear, I find myself to be extremely smart. (Like, it's not even fair to be this funny, quick-witted, AND a genius--yet here I am.) Knowing I'm not a complete idiot does make it even more frustrating to reflect on how I treat myself (I should know better). There's generally a stigma related to morbid obesity correlating with lack of education, ignorance, laziness, etc. So I just wanted to clarify: not an idiot, but just make a lot of really bad decisions.
So here we are... the polarizing decision. To be clear, I don't need to know if what you think I'm doing is a good idea or not. I don't care if you have a 45-minute story of how you're happy and healthy because you sleep 8 hours each night and only eat chia seeds and dirt. The reality is, I self-sabotage anytime I hit a mental health slump and right now I need a little kick to get this ball rolling (in the interest of not dying before I turn 40).
Enter the prescription.
While I'll never champion a quick-fix fad or pill and I do understand required life changes and nutritional support, I also believe that sometimes we just need help. I need help. Lots of us need help. I started this new medication yesterday (FDA approved for chronic weight loss) and I'm feeling hopeful, but I think accountability (in a BIG WAY here) is just what I need. So, I'm telling all of you!
I want to share the experience--the ups and downs of medical weight loss (side effects, victories, battles). If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask. I'm fine with humiliating myself in the interest of sharing information. I'm also excited for people to join in along the way.
So here goes nothing... wait, I mean, "here goes a whole bunch of pounds."
Day one: 324 lbs
Feel free to cheer me on instead of waiting for me to fail; I can feel the energy either way.