50 Reasons for a Comeback
I’ll call it a comeback. A take my life back. A back to accountability mindset. A shift. A determination.
Executive Dysfunction. It’s been controlling me since the mid 1980s (y’all, that big birthday comes this summer and I. AM. NOT. READY… anyway, back to executive dysfunction). If you know, you know. If you don’t relate, I don’t think I can do anything to spell it out appropriately. It’s real. It’s intrusively debilitating. It’s exhausting. It’s the reason I touch base after 5-6 weeks instead of as often as I write a blog in my head (is that weird? That I write them while driving to work, but the thought of sitting down to type the entry is too overwhelming to do IRL?). I put off everything—even personal care. I’m like the fat, sloppy version of Scarlet O’Hara “I’ll think about that tomorrow…”.
But I’m here today. I’m doing it. I mean, I still didn’t wash my hair or my face or anything this morning, so I’m not doing it all, but I just meant I’m writing this entry today.
I have discovered one of my *many* triggers of a dysfunctional exacerbation. It’s when a client comes in upset because when she was at another facility for a different service, they repeatedly tried to tell her she should do her weight-loss program through them instead of here. Despite being happy here (and telling them so) they continued to try to sway her. She wasn’t happy. They lost a client; I didn’t. But sometimes, that tactic works. And it’s just mean.
I’m like the Santa from Miracle on 34th street. I’m referring people all over town! I have colleagues, competitors, mentors, just general industry geniuses that we send clients to every day. It’s a teamwork situation where we work to get the client the best care, results, and products they need—even if it lines a different business owner’s pocket. I love supporting local businesses and I will continue to do so. Some of the equipment and advanced services available in Owensboro are super cool—why would I not want to tell people about them? We don’t do it here, so go do it there! I mean, even I go and get services from other people and it’s fun to connect!
But everyone is different and business is hard. Ownership can be lonely (again, it’s one of those if you know, you know situations). So when something like this happens—or at least when I’m told (which is often, unfortunately) it just makes me kinda sad. I shut down a bit and I let everything start to pile up while I comfort myself with a good One Tree Hill binge day. (If you’re wondering, I’m clearly aware that this is not the most constructive process.)
Tough skin, though. Right? Don’t take it so personally. That practitioner doesn’t even know me. It’s not about me.
It’s all personal.
I refocus to my own intentions, my own growth, my own goals for myself and Integrated.
Speaking of referrals. I must share what I started this week! I struggle with nutrition not because I’m overeating, but because I refuse to cook or plan accordingly and end up DoorDashing junk food. So, I enlisted the help of Lexi Carter through Carter’s Cuisine. Y’all. These meals were great! Now, I didn’t give her any dietary restrictions (only told her I hate cucumbers, peas, beans, and spicy food) so I wasn’t looking for specific macros content or anything. I just wanted to see the difference of eating pre-portioned, home-cooked meals versus every single meal from a restaurant (no worries, I will continue to support them, too!).
It’s just so easy and actually ends up saving me money! I didn’t get a single repeated meal (I ordered 10) and was able to get a good sample of what she offers. I’m committed to this new way to eat and even Tony enjoyed a couple (that he stole from me because again, I’m not doing any cooking).
The best part is her intake form where you select your budget, types of foods you want, allergies, dislikes, goals, etc. and she creates a customized plan for you AND delivers!! (I don’t pick things up; I have a strong mental block that prevents me from being a normal errand-runner.) So if you’re interested in some meal prep, I definitely recommend reaching out to her to see if it’s a good fit! (Nope, this isn’t a paid endorsement; I really just like to support people who treat me well and I think this gal is fantastic.)
Oh, you’re just here for a weight loss update, probably…
Starting weight: 324 lbs
Current weight: 272.6 lbs
Total loss: 51.4 pounds!!!!! (If you remember, I’ve been eyeing 50 as my first major scale goal.)
*I’ve lost 6 pounds since last month’s entry, I think. Nearly half of that was just this week.*
Getting some results after a slower few weeks is so motivating. I’m actually sitting down with our resident nutritionist next week for my first official consultation (that is long overdue). I’m excited to finally take advantage of the education she can offer that so many of our other clients have started to utilize with great success. (Feel free to schedule with Krista Clark for a consultation if you’re interested in some food help!)
Okay, I’m off to tackle more of my overflowing pile of responsibilities that I shirk in the face of mental anguish.
A Few Hundred Reasons
On September 23, 2022 we launched our Medical Weight Loss program. Selfishly, I curated this service for myself—knowing it was time to do something different. Be different, really. Along the way, as more and more clients joined the crew, it’s become so much more than just me and my journey.
When the program first started, it was just a small pilot group. The public scheduling began in October and continues to grow each month as more and more people share their successes with others. iTS astounding!
In 5 months, our clients have lost over 1300 pounds. In case you’re worried there was a typo: ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED POUNDS. (It is important to note that we have about 40+ check-up/weigh-ins on the book for this next week, so there are a lot of unaccounted for pounds out there!)
Smiles are bigger. Steps are peppier. Elevated panels are lower. The program is working.
For some, it’s the easiest process. No side effects, easy weight loss, small goals to reach. For others, it’s a battle, man. They’re stuck with the nausea initially, they’re worried because they want to lose 50, 100, 150 pounds. The mental game is just another adversary. They push through and show progress and I swear I get just as happy for them as I do for myself.
That last statement—huge for me. I’ll be honest: I’m selfish. (Reason #432 why kids weren’t for me.) I have a history of jealousy which would only fuel my depression (the “I’m not as good, not as worthy, why not me” crap), but somewhere in the last year (creating my dream job) I’ve started embracing this perspective of encouraging others to thrive. Seeing these new friends making better choices to serve their needs—the best thing ever. (Does this mean I’m admitting to care about people? I’ll have to unpack that later.)
I get texts and calls all day and night (that’s not a complaint—I’m here for it) updating progress and sharing victories. Of course, my favorites are the ones where they thank me and tell me I’m awesome (come on, you’re learning about me as a person and this can’t have been a surprise). It’s creating a steady buzz in my brain and I like it. It’s probably pride. We know it’s not my humility. ;)
So how am I doing, you ask? You probably didn’t ask, but here you go:
Starting weight: 324
Current weight: 282
(That was my weight yesterday, but that’s close enough. I forgot to check this AM.)
I have some exciting things coming in a couple weeks that will compliment this program well and I’m eager to get that all rolling. You’ll just have to stay tuned for that. :)
For now, I work toward hitting 50 pounds—my next milestone goal. Not all my goals are scale-driven. Honestly, I don’t even know what all my goals are. Rule the world? Sure. That’ll do.
Show Up & Swim
Last week I spent over 6 hours in the car for pastries. I mean, it was about more than that, but it still resulted in 6 hours in a car for a bakery trip (and we have some amazing bakeries in OBKY). It wasn't about the sweets--though they were tasty--it was about showing up.
A year ago, I never would have made that drive. I would have sent along my congratulatory text or FB post and stayed home. Opening a small business changes perspective, though.
My old childhood friend (we met in Jupiter, FL about 25 years ago) opened her dream shop in Plainfield, IN. (Shout out to Mama Bird Bakery for anyone in the area--or looking for a road trip.) The grand opening was just a week ago and my Mom and I headed north for a surprise visit. We couldn't make it to the actual event, but we did make it up there and seeing her face when she realized what was happening was pretty damn cool. Why? Because we showed up.
I've learned in the last 11 months how much it matters to me when people just show up. It isn't about spending money or signing up for every service we offer (but um, just remember, there's a LOT of options). It's about walking in the door after driving across town and saying, "Hey! I'm so glad I finally get to come check out your space and tell you I'm proud of you." Showing up for your people MATTERS. (Admittedly, these surprise pop-ins or online booking notifications bring me the most joy.)
Do you show up for your people? Have you slacked on making your relationships a priority?
Are you showing up for you? Sometimes we're really good at showing up for others (I'm guiltily not good at showing up for anyone ever) and not ourselves. Clearly, I've not shown up the way I needed to for me, but driving 6 hours for a homemade pop tart made me realize I can make a little more effort here.
There was a time in my life when I swam a mile almost every morning before school/work. I spent hours a week in a pool and always made the time to start my day well. I don't even remember how long ago that was a consistent habit, but based on how HARD it was this last time, it's been more than a minute.
I really didn't want to go. It's cold. My legs were NOT shaved. My hours are long. My fatigue is real. My stress is growing. But I showed up.
That first night, I spent nearly 90 minutes in the water--obvi, a small snippet of that time was to take a selfie ;) I was slow. So, so slow. I was winded as I tried to remember how to regulate my breathing again. My right shoulder clicked, clicked, clicked with every overhead stroke. My suit didn't stay in place. My lungs burned. My head pounded.
But I showed up that day. For me. I showed up.
I want to commit to showing up for me. I want to commit to showing up for those that matter to me. I may be juggling a lot right now, but so is everyone else. My "busyness" isn't a reason to stop caring about being present.
I'm still participating in our medical weight loss program, though my last few weeks has been anticlimactic. I've noticed that I haven't made it as much of a priority during my phase of SURVIVING and not THRIVING (if you know, you know). I'm still sliding in the right direction, so there's no permanent damage here. It's simply a reminder to show up again.
SW: 324 lbs
CW 287 lbs (2.4 lbs down from last posting)
Just keep swimming...
Growing Pains & Praises
Social activities make me anxious in a way they never did before. I guess it’s because I don’t ever do anything outside of work of binging tv shows I’ve seen repeatedly (shout out to my people who understand rewatching entire series is a coping mechanism).
Leading up to Puzzle Pieces Lip Sync Battle I started to regret everything—obviously, not the donation part because I’ve been donating to PP since it first opened—but the thought of having to see a couple thousand people I haven’t seen in years made me increasingly nervous as the night got closer.
We had the pleasure of sponsoring the Pre-Party and I was grateful to have a reason to “make” myself go out and enjoy the night—and I DID!
I never considered how it would feel to show up to something with my logo and branding on every table. To walk by someone scanning my QR code. To spot someone flipping through my service menu. iTS pretty cool, I guess. ;)
But when I received a text message right after the new board chairman was on stage talking about Integrated Therapy Solutions… my eyes were suddenly wet. One of my early mentors in the therapy world (and previous clinical instructor turned boss) had messaged me to say, “…so proud of you.” I’m a big fan of affirmations when launched my way (y’all know this), but when it comes from someone you respect enough that the thought of disappointing her still makes you queasy 10+ years later—this text was everything.
I might even say it gave me a little pep in my step.
But just as easily as I can sail on the breeze of my victories, I can crash into concrete just as quickly. The highs of highs from such an epic night tend to lead me to the lowest of lows in the haze of the morning after. Does anyone else have post-fun depression? Don’t get me wrong, my mental health isn’t super always super stellar/consistent, but when I have such an increase in socialization, it’s generally followed by an extreme hermit experience. That black cloud follows me through the week… requiring every bit of energy I can muster to just trek along my weekly schedule. It’s as if I just wait for the punchline, the catch, the good energy to drop. It usually does (it did).
I had a few texts asking where my blog was. I intended to write a new entry a week ago, but again, I was just surviving. So, I got myself together and got back on the scale. I was hesitant as I correlate my depressive states with weight gain (that’s 30+ years talking), but guess what? Still on track…
CW: 289.4 (4.4 lbs lost since last update a couple weeks ago)
Including the pic to show a little progress. Don’t get distracted by the fact my hair was actually washed and styled and I had a little touch of make up on!! I had to order some (I saw it on TikTok) because my make up was 4 years old. How gross? That just explains how often I wear it—never—and how much emphasis I place on shopping—none.
Can't Hardly Weight
I get it. I do. You've decided to focus on losing weight and you need the results yesterday.
I gained over 100 pounds in a relatively short period of time [less than 3 years]. So I obviously like to argue when people say, "You didn't gain it in a day; don't expect to lose it in one."
Um, I almost did gain it in a day, so mind your business, Linda!
My intention with my blog [beside for the need to reflect, authenticate, and release] is to paint the realistic picture of what this program looks like for me. I'm clearly not the epitome of structure and diligence as I generally remind you all of my failed attempts at "good" nutrition. I'm also not here to glamorize and highlight effortless, rapid weight loss as it's not coming off at record speeds.
I do want to highlight that if I hadn't started 3 months ago, I wouldn't have lost the 30 pounds I've lost. I wanted to lose that a month ago. I wanted to already be rounding out 40 at least. I wanted to sail through this in a butterfly-and-rainbow haze of magic. But let's be real... what I want more is a healthy, sustainable loss that can survive and thrive in my life as I make choices to support my goals.
And. I'm. Doing. It.
I had someone tell me the medication didn't work for her [it isn't for everyone, so we would never expect that], but upon some more consulting with the client, she deemed it ineffective because she only lost 6 pounds in 4 weeks. For those who "gain no matter what" "can't lose weight even if I starve myself" and a host of other things we hear during evaluations, I consider 6 pounds in 4 weeks to be FANTASTIC. Your body is responding to changes. We're counseling on nutrition, water intake, rest and resets, journaling, CHANGING. [****reiterating that I'm still not saying this is everyone's golden ticket, so go on now****]
But I get it. I do. You want it already gone when you check out from your first visit. [I mean, so do I! That would be incredible for my business.]
6 pounds in 4 weeks could = 78 pounds in 52 weeks.
My 30 pounds in 15 weeks could = 104 pounds in 52 weeks [it won't, so don't consider me a failure when I don't get there that fast]
Let's move forward together.
SW: 324 pounds [9/23/22]
CW: 293.8 pounds [12/31/22]
6 Scoops of Ice Cream Later...
I didn't pack a scale to the beach last week, so there was no weigh in to report. However, there is plenty of indulgent eating to report...
I had ice cream THREE times from my favorite spot. Not just that, but it was two scoops in a waffle cone every time (half toasted coconut, half chocolate). I can still taste it.
I had a Coke/Pepsi with every meal.
I ate clam chowder, Mahi, Salmon, scallops, lump crab, filet mignon, and crab cakes. I ordered loaded potatoes, maybe a pie for dessert... you get the idea.
I didn't weigh when we came home. No one needs that slap upon return, right? Anyway, I weighed today in preparation for this blog entry. (Recap that I had a big loss the week before we left, so I was fully prepared to gain.)
CW: 295.8 (I LOST MORE SINCE LAST WEIGH IN!!!)
Woohoo!! Vacation. Food. Fun. Still moving down where I need to be.
Now I'm settling back into the routine of the balanced smarter choices.
Most often, I'm asked, "What do you eat?"
I actually have been utilizing Factor meals for the last few weeks to supplement. I don't cook. Like I don't cook at all. I HATE cooking. My husband does most of that or the line cook at whatever restaurant I chose that night. Having these Factor meals keeps us on track a bit better and I was shocked at how good they are. They're not frozen, they don't taste like cardboard, and the variety of options is impressive. (I have coupons for free meals if you have any interest in trying them. Just shoot me a message.)
All of that considered, I also still eat a Twinkie if I want one. I mean, that was a random example, but I'm just letting you know that I will NEVER sit and watch someone eat something delicious and say, "No, I better not, but you enjoy." Maybe that just makes me weak... whatevs.
[We have a fantastic nutritionist available who can help personalize any situation--it is NOT at all my wheelhouse and I will never pretend it is. Just let me know if you'd like to set up a meeting with her!]
We have a new group update, too! Our next crew of 48 participants in our weight loss program crossed the 4-week threshold down OVER 252 pounds!! YASSSS. I love it.
I only have stats on the first small group of 8-weekers, but a large group will come through tomorrow and during the next week. The first 8 participants are down 90 pounds in 8 weeks.
That's all I have for now. I'm still losing. Our participants are losing. Are you ready to be a loser, too?
‘Twas the night before Jupiter and all through the house, not a creature was stirring… who am I kidding? I have 4 dogs and a husband who’s screaming at the tv (Go Bills!). Anyway, it’s still JUPITER EVE!! We are heading out early in the morning for a vacay to my favorite place and I’m building up the same antsy excitement I still give to Santa each year. Here I am, working on my focus to get my work done, first!
I’ve had a very successful week, y’all. I’ve slept more than I have in weeks (I downplay my normal level of insomnia, so when I say I needed this week of rest, I NEEDED THIS WEEK OF REST.) Also, I was very controlled after the Thanksgiving feast(s) (I mean, you saw how many meals worth of leftovers I snagged) and all the good intentions showed up on my scale this week.
FIRST. GOAL. CRUSHED. 297 pounds, thank you very much.
So while I had a slow week or two in the mix, I came back with a nearly 4 pound loss this week and dialed it in right before I wreak havoc eating toasted coconut ice cream, mud pie, clam chowder, crab cakes, blacked mahi all washed down with a Razztini and a Jupiter MaiTai. Awwww…. Jupiter.
I took my shot today, so I certainly hope my indulgences aren’t as dramatic as all the previous trips, but it will be interesting to see how it all works on my first vacation since starting this journey. I understand the importance of moderation and balance and blah. Blah. Blah. I also have entitlement issues (hold in your shocked face) and have a really hard time denying myself whatever I want. Oops. ;)
Now, more good info! I keep failing to share some stats from our crew and they deserve some recognition, too! We have a lot of follow up appointments coming in tomorrow, so I’ll have another group of data to share next time, but today I want to update on the first 28. While some people are rounding out 8 weeks soon, keep in mind this is just a 4-week point (and only includes the first 28 as 2/3 in the program haven’t been on it that long, yet).
28 participants have had their 4-week follow up where we check weight, measurements, etc. (I don’t have the measurement data, but I’ll work on that for next month). Anyway, let me get to the point…. Over 150 POUNDS LOST.
Over 150 changes in the right damn direction, y’all! I’m proud of everyone’s commitment to the program even with this holiday season bringing all the indulgences. In just 4 weeks, clients are seeing changes, making choices, putting themselves first, and working toward their goals. And we’re doing it together. I love it.
CW: 297 (Goal met!)
Next Goal: To get back under 300 after vacation. Hahahahahaha (wait, I’m not really kidding)
The Holiday Hold Up
I hear a lot of people say, “I think I’ll wait til after the holidays.” I mean, it’s common knowledge that gyms exponentially increase capacity after January 1st and so many people start new fad diets. Why? Why wait for the New Year’s resolutions and use holiday gatherings as an excuse to continue/increase gluttony? Let’s do this now so we can see how much we can accomplish over this next month. How much more fun will that be on January 1?
This year, the Thanksgiving feast felt just a little different for me on the inside, but it didn’t change much from the onlooker’s perspective. I took my shot Thursday morning [yes, I considered waiting a day since I was due to upgrade to my next dose titration], completed an 18-hour fast, and then enjoyed my Momma’s AMAZING cooking! I still ate all my favorites AND had some buttermilk pie for dessert. This year, it was just one plate and it wasn’t packed quite as high. ;)
I had a few glasses of wine the night before, a nice helping of pasta, and went to bed early. I am socializing, eating food with friends, and refusing to EVER be the person that packs their own food to a party [I mean, you do you and all, but that’s a permanent no for me]. My portions are smaller, my macros are somewhat better balanced [I’m a work in progress], and my water intake this last week has been diligently on point.
I’m glad I never considered waiting or skipping a dose “because it’s Thanksgiving.” I don’t really want to accommodate my vices and bad habits. I want to stay steadfast in my combat against them.
How have you felt with your Thanksgiving meals? Bloated? Sluggish? [Mentally drained from the noise, chaos, and snotty children?] I don’t feel like garbage today and I was able to pack home a week’s worth of leftovers! WINNING! ***Considering I don’t cook and my husband only gets fed outside a Factor meal or drive thru if he cooks himself or sees my mom, it’s a great victory for us to swipe her leftovers and take ‘em to the house.
And the best news… I lost 2 pounds this week! I even weighed again this morning to be sure that was still accurate. I am dangerously close to reaching my first goal of seeing the 200s…just one week before I head to Jupiter for a week. Hmmm…. I wonder how I’ll do on vacay? That report may look a little different [sheepish grin, halo in tact].
Really needing to see that goal met before I hit the road next Friday morning. All the positive vibes, please!!
PS: My face no longer looks like Hannibal Lector peeled it off to sew a suit. So I’m excited to see how the regimen helps me age backwards. Ha!
You're Such a Boob!
I didn't lose any weight this week. I know that's why most of you are here, so I figured I'd rip that bandaid right off! Here's what I did accomplish, though:
I drank like a college kid at Deer Camp, rolled into work the next day in my pajamas and got a life-changing IV hangover bag [Weekend @ Bernie's in case you're ready to book] that made me feel good enough to trek the 6 hours to Oxford, watch Ole Miss lose a game they shouldn't have, drink beer/seltzers, eat pizza and chicken tenders [don't judge 'til you've had the tenders from Taylor Grocery or the pizza from PizzaShop], and then snack on a bag of Chips Ahoy on the way back to OBKY. I calculated [the best I could] and I didn't drink a gallon of water the entire week and I should do that every day! Oops.
So here's to this week being back on track! I crashed when I got back home. I do that sometimes when I'm coming off the high of hanging out with people way cooler than me living a life way more exciting than mine. So I've slept more in the last few days than most do in weeks.
I feel normalish today, though. So I think I'm ready to get back to it.
But while I have you here, let's talk about my boobs and how they're always here to wreck a party. I had my second session of PRP with microneedling yesterday [yes, right here at Integrated Therapy Solutions, PLLC] and my nurse asked if I wanted her to include my neck in the treatment. "Um, yes! I need to look 27, please and thank you."
The awkwardness hit when we both realized [she didn't say anything, but I felt the energy] that wasn't happening unless I physically smashed the girls as they were nestled contently under my chin where they ALWAYS are when I'm lying down. The good news is, this happens when I'm suntanning, too. So my neck is like pristine, virgin skin. Cheers to the boobs protecting and serving everywhere we go! Of course, I coulda unleashed them out of the cage and let them flop to both sides. Maybe next time!
Check out my face, though? Yikes... I'm told it'll work iTS magic soon enough.
Power of Accountability
Another week, another weigh in! I think it was best to keep the original mug in the archives this time, so this picture is a comparison from just three weeks ago and again a couple days ago. I like to show that the changes are still happening--even after the initial triple chin, serial killeresque fiasco.
This accountability is definitely making an impact on how things are going for me. I challenge all of our program participants and anyone working on self-improvement to share with someone--anyone. You certainly don't need to publicly embarrass yourself with online photos and blogs, but having someone with whom you can check-in, touch base, confide... it's worth letting someone in on your journey.
Last night, I had the opportunity to eat some bad food and drink a few beers, BUT I didn't. Not because I didn't want to unwind after an emotion-filled, busy week, but because I had to weigh in the morning and report an update--to all the strangers that click on this link. Eeek!
Now, don't misunderstand--I make at least 97 bad choices every week, but I do balance them out in order to make sure I'm progressing toward my goals, my purpose. For example, tonight is DEER CAMP and I will enjoy every second. Every bite. Every beverage. It's cool--I have a week to make it up. ;)
Checking in with all of you and answering questions everyday guides me along this path and I truly believe it's the difference between my success or failure. When thinking back to my failures in life (there really aren't many as I'm quite remarkable), they only occurred if I didn't try or didn't hold myself accountable. So here I am eliminating those potential barriers so I can rock this like the bad ass I know I am.
Lost: 21.2 pounds!! :)
Goals: I'm still working on putting them out into the universe and being willing to admit how big my goals really are. For now, seeing the 200s is top priority!
Hotty Toddy! [I'm heading to Oxford to the Ole Miss/Alabama game, so I'm just getting geared up!]
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.